Prospects On The Horizon

Today was today. I don't really have anything new to report on the emotional front - I still feel pretty lousy about everything. Nothing's changed there. And I'm still feeling really, really lonely. That was the worst part about today - the loneliness.

However, for a bit of bright news in all the darkness, Sabine, my host mom, has been working overtime on finding me people to hang out with. I have a lot of prospects, and that's probably a good thing. On the one hand, hanging out with anyone other than Tom really doesn't seem at all desirable. No one knows me like he does, especially not here in Germany. Period.

But it's also something I have to do, or Sabine will really start worrying about me, I can tell. And it won't all be bad. When I'm with other people, there are times where I can be totally distracted from everything, at least for a short while, and that's good.

So, I've met and have contact information for Samuel's swim teacher, Christine. She seems really nice, down-to-earth, and speaks English pretty well. We hit it off I think, and I'm really hoping I might be able to hang out with her this Sunday, or maybe next week sometime.

One of Sabine's colleagues has an Au Pair as well, and Sabine called her yesterday to see how old the other girl is, where she's from, and just how nice she seems and all of that. Sabine's friend said that the girl is 21, really nice, from the Ukraine I think, and doesn't like to speak English. Her German is good, though. So that's a little intimidating for me, as I haven't been speaking that much German, at least not well. But I'm supposed to email her before we talk I guess, so I'm totally up for that. If we hit it off and it works, great. If not, there's no loss on either side.

Also, Sabine went to her gym today, and one of the girls who works in the children's play place there talked with Sabine about me, and she gave Sabine her cell number for me because she said, "Oh yeah, I'll take her out!" She's 26, and seems nice to me, just from hearing that she was so eager to meet me and hang out. She's not German, either, she's from Turkey I think, so I'm not sure how her English will be, but the fact that she was so quick to volunteer to spend time with me is really nice, and I'll probably call her within the week.

And then, there are a number of people in the neighborhood that I've met. One family in particular, I'm really interested in getting to know better. The mom, who I haven't met yet, is from the U.S. The dad is German, and him I met, but he speaks perfect English, and they seem to speak English at their home, so their kids know English, too. Amy is the woman's name, and basically once I have some free time, the dad said I should just come over to the house and meet her. They live right across the street from us. PLUS, Amy does yoga with a bunch of other Americans I guess, so there's apparently a whole network here that I can maybe get to be a part of.

And last, but not least, one of Sabine's best friends, who also lives right across the street, has a 17-year-old daughter, Bianca, and they want us to meet. Sabine was a bit concerned about the age difference, but assured me that Bianca was very mature for her age. I'm like, "I don't care if she's NOT, just introduce me! At least it's someone within the vicinity of my age level!" So, I should meet her tomorrow - she'll come over after she finishes school, and the tentative plan is that we'll do something this weekend - a movie, dinner, introducing me to some of her other friends, something like that.

So, I'm starting to feel a bit like I'm up for auction, what with all the people "bidding" on me. Anyone who knows me knows that I'll feel comfortable with just a few close friends, not a menagerie, but the fact that there are so many people here - complete strangers - willing to make time for me, is really sweet, and makes me feel warm inside.

I miss Tom so much, but I am so sick of being lonely. What I've realized is that if I was in the States, I wouldn't be feeling the absence of friends. And Tom probably isn't feeling the absence of friends. That's one thing I really envy him over - he has a network of people who love him, he has a family here. He's being supported right now, through all of this.

So it's time to be nice to myself, and allow myself a bit of comfort, support, and human warmth, too, even if it has to come from relative strangers. The huge amounts of emails that I've been receiving from all of the people in the U.S. who care for me have been fantastic, and overwhelming, and so appreciated, but they just aren't the same as laughing with someone in person, or getting a solid hug, just because you desperately need it.