Creating My Community

In the last handful of days, my entire outlook on things here in Germany, and my emotional condition, seem to have changed.

I've gone from thinking of nothing but Tom and what happened, to thinking about it fairly seldom, and then, only to acknowledge that he made his choice, he's said through his actions that he's not capable of being anything in my life, even a friend, and I deserve better. I still miss him, but I can say to myself, "I don't NEED him - look around, you're in Germany, and you're living your life, and you're doing it just fine on your own. You may want him, but you DON'T need him." And, for the first time in a month, I'm actually able to see the truth in that statement.

And the other big emotional pitfall for me - loneliness - is also resolving itself, especially in the last two days. I have met, and will continue to meet, so many cool individuals this weekend.

Yesterday, I was in Cologne for the evening, and happened to strike up a conversation with an American guy there. Turns out he was one guy in a group of six: all Americans, all Air Force guys, all older than me, in their 30s/40s, most married, and all enjoying Cologne for the last night, because they were heading back to the States the next day (well, 3 of them were; the other 3 are in Germany for another week, but not in Cologne).

Their names were Bill, Jonathan, Paul, Mick, Pogo, and Shrek. The last two definitely had some nicknames goin' on. They were so amazingly nice, and funny, and a little bit buzzed, but not to the point of jerkiness or anything. They commiserated with me on the whole Tom situation, which always comes up, because people always want to know why I'm in Germany, why Cologne, why all alone, etc.

They jokingly (except for Mick, who I'm pretty sure was dead serious) said that we could all drive to Bonn since it wasn't far, and they'd be happy to kick Tom's butt (but they didn't say 'butt'!) for me. They all said that he was the one missing out, and they had no doubt some other handsome, young German guy would sweep me off my feet like I deserved. And, even though they all admitted that guys could be jerks at times, and usually were, they also were proud of themselves that none of them had had a girl move to a different country for them only to dump her two weeks later. I toasted them on that one!

We hung out for about 3 hours, in and around the Christmas markets. We had some beer, we had some Schnapps, we had some Glühwein (a hot spiced-wine-type of drink - we also had a shot of Amaretto in ours: YUM!), we had some bratwurst, we had some homemade Spätzle pasta, we had some hot cheese and bread, we had some steak sandwiches. We ate a lot, we drank a lot, we were full of fun and merriment.

And, being the gentlemen that they were, I didn't have to pay for a thing.

I have a great pic of all of us, courtesy of a nice young German guy whom we accosted from the crowd, and I will be posting this on Facebook within the week hopefully. We'll see. I also have a great souvenir from the evening - two of our Glühwein mugs, which are real mugs, not plastic or cheap, and they say 'Weihnachtsmarkt am Kölner Dom 2008.' Jonathan paid the deposit for the mugs (when you bring them back to the booth, you get your deposit back), and he insisted that I keep two of them, to remember 'all us guys' by. The mugs are really pretty, and a perfect thing to commemorate the evening for me. I will definitely never forget the guys.

It was a great night, and I was really bummed when we had to say our goodbyes. They joked that when I became a famous writer, that they expected me to get all their names right when I talked about them. I assured them I would. So, this is the first official written story about them, and I definitely got all the names right. They would definitely be satisfied.

Anyway, that was last night. What a great Thursday evening. And then today, I met Elina Kuprijenko for the first time, although we've been trying to get together for a few weeks now. Elina is also an Au Pair here in Cologne. She's 21 years old, she's Russian, from the Eukraine, and she doesn't speak English. I'm sure you can imagine how fantastic it was for both of us to stumble through communication in German, our second language, but despite that, we had a great time.

We shopped, we walked, we talked, we shopped, we shopped some more. We really didn't buy much, but it was cool being able to enjoy the normal, non-touristy side of Cologne with someone else for a change. In every other excursion in Cologne for shopping or hanging out in the non-tourist parts of the city, I've been solo.

We will definitely be getting together again - she invited me to hang out tomorrow, but I've actually got plans already, so we're gonna try to hook up next week sometime to go to a disco, or a club or something.

After I split from Elina, I hit the Weihnachtsmarkts again, this time with a purpose. I wanted to buy a really cool candle I had seen at the Heumarkt market when I was there with the family and Sabine's parents - who are visiting this week. It's a round bowl with the candle inside actually, with scenes from Karneval in Cologne, and it's really pretty when it's lit up. I've been wanting to buy it for days, but something always comes up, like meeting the guys the night before.

But finally, I got it! I'm so happy with it. It's lit right now in my room here at the house, and it's sooo pretty. I love it. And after I bought the candle, I went to my favorite bookstore and read there for an hour and a half or so, right before buying some Chinese noodles with chicken from Die Engel Markt, another Christmas market, and hopping the train home.

And then here, I spent the rest of the evening nice and cozy with Sabine, Gerhardt, and Sabine's parents in the living room, with the stove burning, just enjoying some good talking and some good wine while we all helped to wrap the kids' presents for tomorrow (tomorrow is the 6th of December, Sankt Nikolaus Tag. The kids get small presents and sweets from 'Sankt Nikolaus', who leaves everything in their shoes during the night). It's a really nice tradition, and I'll be up early tomorrow - even though I could sleep in - to watch the kids get all excited over the chocolate and books that Sabine and Gerhardt bought for their shoes.

And THEN, tomorrow - I swear, this blog entry will eventually end - I am meeting Adriana for the first time. Adriana, who's 19, is the daughter of one of Sabine's friends, and her uncle is actually American, so she knows a good deal of English. Tomorrow night, I'm going with her and a BIG group of friends, 15 or so, to a party in downtown Cologne, a Sankt Nikolaus party. I'm really, really excited. Not only do I get to meet Adriana, I get to meet a bunch of her friends, and I also get to experience a bit of the party/nightlife atmosphere here, which I haven't done at all yet.

It should be really fun. I'm totally anticipating a great evening.

And THEN, on Sunday, I'm meeting up with Christine, Samuel's swim instructor, FINALLY. We've been trying to get together for about three weeks now, but she's got a busy schedule, and my schedule isn't busy, but it's kinda unpredictable, and we just haven't clicked, time-wise. But on Sunday, we're definitely gonna be able to do that finally. She's also bringing along a friend of hers who spent a year or two in Scotland, I think as an Au Pair, so we'll probably speak a mixture of English and German, and that's so nice for me, almost as relaxing as just speaking straight English.

We're all going to yet another Christmas market, one I haven't been to yet. It's the Middle Ages Christmas Market at the chocolate museum here in Cologne. It actually costs a few Euro to get in, but it's supposed to be a bit like a renaissance fair, and should be totally worth it. And again, I'll expand my circle of friends.

AND, on top of all of that, I actually had to turn down two other invitations to do things this weekend. One was from a girl named Sevim, who I met at Sabine's gym, and who I really like. We were talking about going out today, but I didn't hear back from her soon enough, and so I made plans with Elina. But Sevim and I will go out next week, on either Monday or Thursday probably. Dinner, drinks, maybe a movie. I couldn't be more excited about that - just a 'normal' evening hanging out with a friend!

I also got invited to go out tomorrow with the group of teenagers that live here in Sürth. They're all going to one of the Christmas markets tomorrow evening, and they invited me to come with. Adriana got to me first, though, and a Nikolaus holiday party is something really special. I'm hoping I can go out with the Sürth group to Cologne another time, though. They also mentioned maybe hitting a bar/pub together sometime, and that would be really fun, too.

And - this is the last thing, promise! - today, I spent some time on my computer, and I found a few sites that revolve around English-speaking communities here in Cologne. I created a profile on two sites, sent some inquiries about a few others, and then emailed a bunch of random people my age whose profiles also say they live in Cologne.

And I've already heard back from three of them!

One is a guy named Janz, who's studying in Bonn. He's 25 years old, he speaks English, even though it's not perfect, and he's from Marseilles, France. We've already exchanged a few emails, and he says that he's in Cologne fairly often - the next time he's here, we're gonna try to meet up. This is something I'm really excited about. First of all, it's a guy. I'm not looking to jump into another relationship, but it'll be so nice to have a guy to hang around with, in addition to all of the girlfriends I'm making. Also, he studies in Bonn, which means he's got this whole student community thing going for him. Who knows? If we hit it off, I may visit him in Bonn, get to know more people there, some of his friends and acquaintances, etc. I'm really, really excited about the possibilities here.

The second person is named Benoit, and I didn't contact him so much to get together with just him, but he's hosting an even in Cologne on Sunday, am English literature reading at a pub downtown. I asked him about the time and place, and he sent me back all the pertinent info. So, that's something I may be able to do on Sunday, depending on what time I get together with Christine and her friend.

And the third communication is actually with a HUGE group of people, like 35 or so, who are going to be coming to Cologne tomorrow from Amsterdam. They should arrive in the morning, at around 9:40am or so, and then they're gonna spend the day in the Christmas markets, checking out the Dom, maybe seeing the chocolate museum, etc. They will all be around the Dom at 1:30 for lunch, and then they're taking the Dom tour at 2:30. So, if Sabine doesn't need me tomorrow and nothing's going on around here, I may head out to the city to meet up with this group.

The guy who has arranged the trip emailed me his cell number and said I should just send him an SMS when I'm in the city, and he'll let me know where everyone's at. It would be SO cool to meet some people from Amsterdam, especially as I can travel there in the next two months with my Eurail pass if I want. If I hit it off with anyone, I can definitely follow up on it later.

Things here in Germany seem so much brighter these days...

So, as I promised, this blog entry has finally come to an end.

And it's a dang good end. I'm keeping busy, I'm making friends, I'm getting out, and I'm getting over the drama of the last month of my life, slowly but surely. I'm conquering loneliness, one solid step at a time. I'm in freakin' EUROPE!

Life is good.