~ Annie (Sandra Bullock)
~ Speed
I'm in a different place than I've been over the last month. Since Tom ended things with us, I can't help but think of more and more reasons to be disappointed in him, more and more ways in which I can see so clearly how selfish, cowardly, and self-involved he really is.
Today was a turning point. I called him. I left a message. I asked for help with a computer issue, something mundane, and not having to do with us or our relationship. I asked for my t-shirt, which he still has at his apartment. I told him that I'm sick of playing games - not that he IS playing games, but that I felt like we were - and that I wanted to stop. I told him that I would like to talk with him again in person, if that was possible. I told him I was disappointed in his lack of communication, his lack of response, and his avoidance of me, and that I felt I deserved more than being ignored. I acknowledged that I don't know what he's doing these days, or who he's spending his time with (this remark I added because a woman answered his cell phone last night when I called); but when it comes to US, I said, I need just a bit more from him, and I don't think that's asking too much. One more talk. One more meeting. One more.
I asked him to call me back.
And he didn't.
And you know the worst part? I'm not surprised.
Selfish, cowardly, self-involved. I'm not surprised that he didn't call back to help me with my computer problem. I'm not surprised he didn't call back to set a time to meet. I'm not surprised he didn't call back even though I specifically asked him to. I'm not surprised. It's just the final evidence that I deserve better than Tom Schwesig, as much as that hurts to say.
He said he cared about me, even though he didn't love me. He said he wanted me in his life still. He said he knew it would work for us to be friends. And he's proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt - through both his actions and his inactions - that those were all lies.
The last lies.
Because I am done putting myself in his hands. I am done thinking of the best things to say, the best approaches, the best way to handle things. I am done being the one to email, the one to call. I am done trying to find a balance between lover or friend. I am done hoping that I still have a friend, despite everything.
And I am done carrying the burnt remains of a relationship that used to be a sacred thing in my heart. They're too heavy a burden to bear, and I'm relinquishing my hold on them now.
So much for all the promises you made, they served you well,
And now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well,
And now it's gone and you're wasted on me.
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
So much for, so much more.
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
So much for, so much more.
I'm in a different place than I've been over the last month. Since Tom ended things with us, I can't help but think of more and more reasons to be disappointed in him, more and more ways in which I can see so clearly how selfish, cowardly, and self-involved he really is.
Today was a turning point. I called him. I left a message. I asked for help with a computer issue, something mundane, and not having to do with us or our relationship. I asked for my t-shirt, which he still has at his apartment. I told him that I'm sick of playing games - not that he IS playing games, but that I felt like we were - and that I wanted to stop. I told him that I would like to talk with him again in person, if that was possible. I told him I was disappointed in his lack of communication, his lack of response, and his avoidance of me, and that I felt I deserved more than being ignored. I acknowledged that I don't know what he's doing these days, or who he's spending his time with (this remark I added because a woman answered his cell phone last night when I called); but when it comes to US, I said, I need just a bit more from him, and I don't think that's asking too much. One more talk. One more meeting. One more.
I asked him to call me back.
And he didn't.
And you know the worst part? I'm not surprised.
Selfish, cowardly, self-involved. I'm not surprised that he didn't call back to help me with my computer problem. I'm not surprised he didn't call back to set a time to meet. I'm not surprised he didn't call back even though I specifically asked him to. I'm not surprised. It's just the final evidence that I deserve better than Tom Schwesig, as much as that hurts to say.
He said he cared about me, even though he didn't love me. He said he wanted me in his life still. He said he knew it would work for us to be friends. And he's proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt - through both his actions and his inactions - that those were all lies.
The last lies.
Because I am done putting myself in his hands. I am done thinking of the best things to say, the best approaches, the best way to handle things. I am done being the one to email, the one to call. I am done trying to find a balance between lover or friend. I am done hoping that I still have a friend, despite everything.
And I am done carrying the burnt remains of a relationship that used to be a sacred thing in my heart. They're too heavy a burden to bear, and I'm relinquishing my hold on them now.
~~~
So much for all the promises you made, they served you well,
And now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well,
And now it's gone and you're wasted on me.
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
So much for, so much more.
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
So much for, so much more.
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